I’ve taken a big leap of faith and signed up to host a live weekly radio show (which gets turned into a podcast). It’s title — The Finder of Lost Things — is a phrase I received while walking the North Cornwall coastal path, near Tintagel which is the legendary birthplace of King Arthur. The phrase popped into my head and it made little sense until I turned the corner and came across a missing person’s poster. I knew then that being ‘The Finder of Lost Things’, and empowering others to find their own lost things, was my calling.


This is a question I asked myself repeatedly, as I uncovered layer after layer of pain and fear. So many times I wanted to throw in the towel and become a plumber — opt for an easier life. A life where I wasn’t pulled towards unearthing yet more uncomfortable truths.

I would have tantrums, too. Sobbing and pleading for the grief to just go away. I had done all I could to find Christian, my missing brother. Then I had done all I could to return him ‘home’ (bring his missing soul part back from Africa). Then I had done…

I drew this image of two (bird) people, with their heads hanging down and their wings closed up, on 31st October 2018, Halloween: it was my first introduction to the ‘Grief Cage’. This cage has bars that you probably can’t see, but you can most certainly feel.

It might be obvious that you’re in the cage, following a recent bereavement. You have lost. You are experiencing loss. You are without the one you want to be with. You’ve lost your soulmate. You’ve lost your other half. …

A few days ago, I was restless and tetchy… a sure sign that there was a message for me to ‘download’ from Spirit. I’d been juggling home schooling, lockdown and technology issues and hadn’t made time to sit quietly and meditate, but, when I was forced to, four pages worth of messages were passed on by a group of ‘souls and spirit guides’.

If you’re reading these words, your guides / loved ones were part of the collective.

Living through these difficult times

So, the first two pages are about living through these difficult times and the importance of trying not to fight against what’s happening in your life and surrendering, if you can.

By surrendering you will find guidance…

(reposting from 23 March, 2018, before I found Christian)

Christian once gave me a book to read — ‘Dogs Never Lie About Love’ and I recently found it. Every gift he gave (to me and to others) now has significance.

So, what was it in that book which made Chris want me to read it, too? What CAN dogs teach us about love? Here is an extract, written by the author, Jeffrey Masson:

Dogs, it should be apparent by now, do not require psychoanalysis or any kind of analysis before they can recognise their own feelings; indeed they have the…

I had denied grief for so long: 13 long years. I didn’t want to confront the pain inside because it would mean accepting that Christian, my brother, was dead and that was a thought too terrible to contemplate. He was only missing. I was staying loyal to him. I was getting on with life as best I could.

But in late 2016, I hit rock bottom. And when the burden of grief really hit, I knew all about it. With a young family to look after and no end in sight to the limbo of having a missing brother, I…

“I’ve been abandoned!”

I denied my grief for 15 years. My brother, Christian, had disappeared in Africa, while travelling alone in 2003 — he wasn’t dead. He was still alive, just having problems that meant he couldn’t or didn’t want to return home. That’s what I told myself.

Part of me knew, though, that he was dead. But those hulking great feelings of panic, terror and abandonment would only surface on anniversaries and birthdays. Then I’d bury them and concentrate on life again. I didn’t know what to do with these feelings. I couldn’t label them as ‘grief’, because we had no news…

I actually don’t care any more, what others think about me and my work. I don’t care if I’m believed. I don’t care if I rub people up the wrong way. That’s not my concern. My concern is that by using my job title of ‘Death Queen’, those who need to find me, will. I’ve hidden in the shadows too long.

My new writing journal is dark green and has a running stag on the front. It is titled ‘Death Queen’ and I began a few days ago — 07.07.19.

‘Death Queen’ is a title which I’ve… finally… accepted, on…

For the past few weeks I’ve been feeling my grief rising, again. This time it’s been focused on the loss of my brother’s physical presence.

I was waiting in traffic at a roundabout yesterday and it suddenly hit me, while noticing the couple sitting in the car ahead, that Christian would never physically sit in my passenger seat.

The last time I saw him, a week or so before he left for Africa in February 2003, we sat on the sofa together and I leaned against him while watching TV. He put his arm around my shoulders. I remember it so clearly because it was the first time we’d really had prolonged body contact since childhood.

When we were little, we were always playing together…

“Hi, I’m Christian, Hannah’s ‘dead’ brother. Yup, that’s right. I’m physically dead, but I’m still alive and Hannah’s able to channel me. I went missing in 2003, in Mali, Africa and for 15 years I was presumed dead, but my family lived in the hope I was still alive.

That’s the trauma Hannah and our family went through. But they’re out the other side and now Hannah and I want to tell our story. This particular article is going to be about suicide.

Now I didn’t commit suicide, in the common sense of the word. There were no overdoses. There…

Hannah Velten

Spiritual Grief Healer, Writer & Speaker. Working with my brother-in-Spirit, Christian, to inspire and empower grievers to fly free. www.hannahvelten.online

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